And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Found the puke drawer
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
