Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
