Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
