I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
