i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
