At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So many bounce houses so little time
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I want her autograph on my taint
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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