these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
