butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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