I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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