# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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