I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
