I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
