Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
