South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I look better un-naked...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
