Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
whose parrot is this?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
