I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
