Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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