Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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