Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
