I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
im holly from the hills drunk
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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