i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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