How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
