I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
