I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
