Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
honey bunches of taint.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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