Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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