why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
