lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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