Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
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