That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
