The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
