I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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