its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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