I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
