i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I stole a fireplace last night.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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