I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
