That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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