Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just puked most of my soul out..
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