We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
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