im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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