dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
