I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
