There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well I just put wine in my tea
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
