he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
