i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
