I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
