Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
