Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
