I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
