someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
