btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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