they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
