All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
